


Brine

by scarvenrot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarvenrot/pseuds/scarvenrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As someone who respected the caste system dictated by the hemospectrum, Equius could recognize the distinct tints of individuals within each caste, knowing even in his own elite caste the difference between the Duke, the Phthalo, the Navy, and the Ultramarine upper nobility bluebloods. And he recognized that, at the precise top of the broad spectrum of violets, far above himself, Tyrian purple sat proudly, and pulsed in the veins of this wild young female."</p><p>At five sweeps old, a noble blueblood finds himself playing reluctant host to a young princess after a strange incident in the Alternian sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The dim seasons were the worst for the sea. In the distance, at daybreak, he could see the duskiness of the water, and the flatness of the shoreline. Seeing the normally violent waters so relaxed and tepid often soothed him, even though it meant that so many seadwellers were likely suffering because of it. Naturally, that idea didn’t particularly bother him.

He slept better during the dim seasons. In the dark seasons, when the shores would be rocked with storms, and the horizon would glitter with lightning reflecting off of waves, he felt so on edge that he was lucky to get an hour of sleep. He would wake up doused in sweat and sopor, having dreamt of something unspeakable, his belly unsettled and his mood sour. The smell of the rampaging sea drifted all the way up to the lonely mesas that he and Vriska had built their hives on, and it made him feel sick. He much preferred the muffled, dry scent of the western wind, which was thicker with the scent of earth and the slight chill of the mountains.

It helped him to work more quickly, as well. If the air was too humid, he often found himself making mistakes in his assemblages, and that was unacceptable. It upset him to ruin a project, but it seemed to happen all the time. He would often get irritated messages from his disgruntled neighbor about a hole he’d made in her hive with his reckless disposal of a destroyed robot chassis, and he hated apologizing, at this point, even though it was the respectable thing to do. If he’d had the sense to think of it, he might have realized that she was just messaging him about it at this point to pester him. But it wasn’t like him to realize things like that, even about her, whom he’d known all his life.

The less sleep he got, the more irritable and antisocial he was. Which was to be expected: anyone not getting a decent day’s sleep would be distraught, certainly, though no one seemed to take sleepless days as an excuse. His acquaintances learned, for the most part, to avoid him during the dark seasons even more so than they normally did, and Equius quickly fell into the pattern of building a surplus of robots during the dim seasons and spending much of the dark seasons fighting as many of them as he could until he was too exhausted to sleep for fewer than four hours at a time. That helped. A bit.

It was, however, “booooooooring” to stay inside all dim season, as his neighbor so graciously informed him. So, as if to make a point, he started leaving his hive for a brief, brisk walk every fifth night or so, just so Vriska couldn’t say that he was a useless hermit. Even though he found little to no point in leaving his hive so often, anymore, and he hadn’t for nearly three sweeps, now. So many of the herds had abandoned the canyons in the wake of a drought, and moved on to the plains, which were an excursion to get to, and one that he didn’t enjoy making the effort to complete more often than once or twice a sweep, if that.

And that was for a reason all his own.

His walks would bring him to the foothills, near the edge of the coast where the dirt turned to sand, and off in the distance he could see the young highblood’s hive, where he’d sometimes be settled out on the sand, staring into the calm sea, waiting for his lusus to return. Those glimpses of him were unsettling to Equius, and he would usually turn around immediately when he saw him to begin the trek back to his own hive, but sometimes he would be in luck, and Makara would be nowhere to be found, and he could look out at the gray ocean for a while himself, his nose crinkled, before he decided that perhaps it was time to return home to do all of those important things that he needed to do.

It was during the third dim season after his fifth wriggling day that he stumbled upon something extremely odd. When he found himself at the bottom of the path he’d forged down to the coast, he saw the shore devoid of Makara, but something adrift in the otherwise stagnant sea just a bit off of the beach. Equius paused. Normally he wouldn’t have cared about something like that, but upon lowering his sunglasses, he realized rather quickly that it was a troll’s body, nearly immobile on the surface of the ocean.

And it was a seadweller.

Against his better judgment, Equius stepped onto the beach. The sand under his metal cleats was disorienting and bizarre, but he tried to ignore the sensation, continuing on through pebbly sand until he reached the lip of the water. He peered out at the body, trying to figure out if it was alive, and as he stared at it, he slowly began to realize that it was a troll of extremely high rank. Probably the highest he had ever seen. No… _definitely_ the highest he’d ever seen. Without a doubt.

Equius glanced toward the highblood’s hive, which was as still as ever, and then back to the small body. As much as he detested the sea, it was his duty, he supposed, as the only troll around or aware of the situation, to _do_ something about it. So he quietly removed his shoes as quickly as he could so as not to waterlog them and strode with purpose into the ocean, hating the chill of the water and despising even more so the rancid stink of fish and decay that swelled up around him as the sea quickly grew a bit too deep and he was up to his neck in water, kicking his way over to the troll.

He turned it over onto its back, a bit stunned to see that she was female. A high-ranking female was rare, and usually meant…well. Equius knew exactly what it meant. It took him a moment to collect himself and carefully grip her by her shirt, tugging her back toward the shore by swimming awkwardly sideways. He’d never really swum, before. It was difficult, and strange. He didn’t like it, he quickly decided. He dragged the troll up onto the shore and quietly squeezed the disgusting sea water out of his shorts as he looked at her, slipping his shoes back on and shuddering at the feeling of pebbles digging into the soles of his feet, stuck to the wet material of his stockings. His charge’s hair was an absolute mess, tangled around her horns, face, and arms like a weird net. She was absolutely unconscious, but clearly still alive. The sensitive fins on her face were fluttering, trying to detect the water that was no longer there, and Equius stared at them, a bit curious.

He’d never seen a seadweller up close, before. He had only heard stories about Vriska’s encounters with her kismesis, who was apparently not much to look at, apart from being a rather gaudy dresser. A part of Equius had always secretly expected them to be better-looking than land dwellers, just in general. This one was…well. She was somewhat more attractive than Vriska, but that wasn’t too hard to do when you weren’t constantly sneering or neglecting your hair. Besides, Vriska was fine-looking in her own way. At least her horns were more intriguing than this girl’s.

Equius crouched beside her, staring at her face. She was out cold. What was he supposed to do with her? Warily, he glanced up at Gamzee’s hive, then thought better of it. He would be better off taking her back to his own hive. Even though that thought in itself was horrifying, as well. He wasn’t exactly used to hosting guests. Mostly because his hive took up nearly the entire mesa that it was built on, and there was no access to it aside from the narrow underground pathway between his own hive and Vriska’s. Even his feisty moirail had a hard time getting in, and she had only recently figured out how to bridge the gap between the foot of Vriska’s hive and the edge of Equius’s without using the long path.

Not many trolls would dare to try to make that jump, though. Vriska’s lusus was waiting hungrily below for all who failed, and Nepeta had been the only one brave enough to attempt and succeed the leap in sweeps (and that had been a fiasco in its own rite which had resulted in many, many soiled towels).

Equius squatted there anxiously for a good minute or two before he carefully tucked his arms under the troll’s body and lifted her as well as he could. She was light, of course. Slightly heavier than Nepeta, though presumably only because she was waterlogged. He stared at her a bit more, shaking his hair out of his face, and it made him more than a bit nervous to notice that nearly magenta tint to the fins on her jawline, and the faded purple of the symbol on her breast. He knew that color, and what it meant. He knew it well.

Equius carried her uncomfortably back up the dirt pathway toward the canyon, trying his best not to hurt her. It was difficult, as physical contact always was, and it made him extremely anxious, but he couldn’t just drag her or anything like that. It wouldn’t have been proper. He toted her uneasily up the road and as quickly as he could past Vriska’s hive: if she saw him out there with another troll, she would assume it was an offering for her lusus, and she would ask for it, that sneer ever-plastered to her face.

And he, naturally, wouldn’t be able to refuse her.

He crept past her hive and leapt fearlessly from the edge of the plateau over to his own front door. Bridging the gap was no big deal for someone with his caliber of strength. He stumbled inside, still clinging to the unconscious female, and he called for Aurthour, who was of course quick to attend to him. The lusus knew the gravity of the situation as soon as he saw the female’s coloring, and he gingerly took her from Equius, meaning to put her somewhere to be dealt with accordingly after Master Zahhak’s bath was run.

Equius scowled and muttered for Aurthour to tend to the female: he would run his own bath. Aurthour looked somewhat lost and confused at the strange demand, but Equius ignored him, losing himself up the south staircase. It would take hours to scrub the salt and sand—and most importantly, the horrific smell of the ocean—acceptably from his skin.

***

He bathed for a long time, as he had anticipated. He stayed in the tub, scrubbing himself until the water was cold, pressing his nose to his own skin and scowling at the lingering stench of rotting fish, even after the stinging cleansing powder and richly-scented oils had been scraped away. He washed his hair furiously, and it just felt greasy and gritty, even after he’d emptied his bath and toweled himself dry. Aurthour had come up a few times in the midst of the process to check on him, and each time Equius had scowled at him and ushered him away. He didn’t bother to come back once the trap was drained, and Equius had to dress himself and dry his own hair. He nearly tore his shirt several times in the process, and fresh stockings were out of the question.

The moons were nearly setting by the time he made his way back down to the ground level of his hive, where Aurthour had gingerly arranged the seadweller on a sofa with as many soft pillows as he could collect (Equius didn’t have many). She’d been bathed, and gently dressed in clothing that Equius often wore to work in. His face turned dark blue when he realized what Aurthour had done, and he nearly opened his mouth to protest, the centaur looking at him uneasily and indicating that he’d only taken the female’s clothes off to clean them. Besides that, these clothes were the only frocks the young blueblood owned that were devoid of his symbol. They were baggy on her, but they would have to do. It was unthinkable for a highblood such as her to wear a color below her status, after all. Equius knew that.

He scowled. It was better for her not to be nude, he supposed, running one hand heavily down his own face. Still, the fact that she was still unconscious unnerved him. It had been hours. She’d somehow stayed asleep through a bath, and through being redressed in strange clothes. It made no sense.

Equius approached her, staring, his arms folded across his chest. Aurthour had combed her hair neatly out of her face and braided it in a long, thick rope down her back. All of the jewelry that she’d been wearing before was nowhere to be found, and Equius could only assume that Aurthour had put it somewhere for safe keeping. His work clothes sagged on her arms and legs, and the fins on her face were still twitching distantly.

Equius frowned. He hated having visitors over to his hive. They disrupted his very strict schedule. And even with a seadweller of this rank here, he could still only barely muster up the strength to care at all. He wanted her out of there. And soon. But he’d made the mistake of taking her all the way up to the top of the canyon. Gritting his teeth, he slowly found himself beginning to pace. Aurthour watched him uncertainly from the corner, one arm held out hesitantly with a towel draped over it just in case. Equius tugged at his own hair, hating how it was still gritty with salt and sand in spite of his lengthy bath.

He paced for an hour. And still, she showed no signs of waking up.

The moons were setting. Knowing he would regret it later, Equius settled himself on the chaise and glared over at his unwanted guest, growing slowly more anxious as Aurthour found a blanket to swaddle him in. Eventually, he fell asleep with a terrible scowl on his face.

***

He awoke three hours later to the sight of huge eyes staring straight back into his. He jumped, startled, and she grinned at him broadly, her teeth sharp and vicious behind full black lips. In his most noble opinion, she was lucky that, in his shock, he hadn’t slammed his fist into her jaw and completely shattered it.

“Hello!”

She was an entirely different sight when she was awake. She held herself with power and purpose, leaning toward him but nowhere near close enough to make contact with him, and the fins on her face were fluttering rhythmically, a faint hint of magenta glowing on her cheeks and the exposed shoulder that Equius’s work shirt was slipping down. The seadweller giggled, then cocked her head at him.

“This is your hive? It’s totally cool! I’ve never been on land like this before. Did you ferry me up here?”

Her voice was bubbly and bright: somewhat high-pitched, with just a hint of teasing. He was a bit stunned, honestly. She spoke quickly, and loudly, and her eyes stayed fixated on his face, as if he was doing the most interesting thing in the world. Equius could feel his armpits dampening, and he swallowed dryly.

“…Yes. This is my hive.”

“I’m Feferi! Do you have a name? Your lusus is _so_ charming!”

“…Equius. Zahhak.”

“Heehee! What a name. It’s nice to meet you, Equius!”

The way she said it, her mouth opened a bit too vertically for his taste. It sounded more like she was saying “ _Ah_ -quius”, though it stood shakily on the fence between the two. Perhaps it was meant to be a pun, which normally would have charmed him, but under the circumstances, simply irritated him. He frowned a bit more deeply.

“Forgive me for correcting you, but. It’s _Eq_ uius.”

“I heard you!” She seemed to be readying the word for launch before she finally spit it out again, her arms folding over her chest. “… _Equius!_ ”

She finally peeled her eyes away from his face, and he let out a strangled breath, scooting away from her and getting to his feet awkwardly as she looked around his main room. It was dismal, like most of the rest of his hive, and only partially decorated at the moment, but she seemed to focus on every tiny detail. It made him more than a little uncomfortable, honestly. Aurthour trotted up behind him with a towel, offering it to him gingerly, and he took it, wiping sweat from his face as Feferi looked back at him. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Are you sweating?” she asked, still grinning at him.

He swallowed hard. Dry, again. “…Yes.”

“Weird. Mind if I take a look around? I’d love to see what kinds of neat stuff land dwellers keep in their hives!”

“I’m not certain if—”

“Great! I’ll just be a few minutes! Don’t worry about a thing!”

And then she traipsed off in his work clothes, hoisting them up as she went along. Equius stared after her, having half a mind to follow her, but his instincts told him to stay put. Feferi was her name. Feferi Peixes. He’d heard of her, definitely. Through Vriska, who knew of her through her own kismesis: the Grand Quasiroyal Consort, Eridan Ampora. The two were moirails. And Feferi was the abdicated Empress-to-be.

And she was in Equius’s hive.

Wearing his work clothes.

He wiped sweat away, his chest tight as he slowly sank back down on the chaise.

***

And on the chaise he stayed.

Aurthour came in some time later to offer him an assortment of nutrient pastes, which Equius noticed had been sampled by his rather unwieldy hiveguest. Abhorrent though it was to eat after another, he resigned himself to it, only because she was his superior in every way. A matriarchal society ordered by blood color ranked Her Magisterial Elegance-in-Training far, far above a lowly Archduke Ultramarine male like Equius Zahhak. He knew this well. As someone who respected the caste system dictated by the hemospectrum, Equius could recognize the distinct tints of individuals within each caste, knowing even in his own elite caste the difference between the Duke, the Phthalo, the Navy, and the Ultramarine upper nobility bluebloods. And he recognized that, at the precise top of the broad spectrum of violets, far above himself, Tyrian purple sat proudly, and pulsed in the veins of this wild young female.

A large part of him wanted to find her and stop her from going through his things, but a more powerful part of him knew that it was her right to do so. He was no more than a servant to her, as far as the hemospectrum was concerned, and he knew his place well. Everything that belonged to him was also hers. He shuddered in embarrassment at the thought of her discovering his private collection of poetry. Or worse.

The only thing he could do was try to relax, though that in itself was quite a demand for someone like Equius Zahhak. Relaxation was simply out of the question on a regular basis, and it was growing more and more impossible by the minute as his already-high blueblood pressure was rising. He ate miserably. Aurthour trotted up behind him and rubbed his temples soothingly, running deft white fingers through his greasy, sandy hair. Equius leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes.

“…Did she say what had happened to her, Aurthour?” he asked quietly, the voice a strained murmur. Aurthour grunted softly in response, signifying a firm “no,” and Equius remained unfettered by it. He was only mildly curious about it, after all, and he was much more concerned about her being able to go back to the sea as soon as she could. Considering the rate at which she was exploring the entirety of his hive, however, it could have been quite a long time before that happened, capability or no.

His gut clenched at the thought that she might be exploring his hive to examine its adaptability for purposes of her own design. What if she liked it so much that she wanted a palace on land, as well as her own beneath the eastern sea? Equius choked at the thought of building a new hive. Of relocating, away from Vriska Serket. Of needing to tell Nepeta that he’d been evicted by the Empress-to-be herself. Vriska would laugh. Nepeta would not be impressed. Pushed around by a fish? She’d hiss and scowl, shying away from him when he tried to explain that he couldn’t help it. It was the order. It was how things were meant to be.

Not that Nepeta believed in any of that. Equius had himself convinced that it was because she simply needed to be taught to be better, and they’d gone over it several times already—or rather, he’d told her about his plans for her while she’d idly played with Aurthour’s tail from her stretched-out position on this very chaise lounge. She would someday learn that Equius absolutely had to follow orders from the seadwellers. Even if it was destiny for the two orders of trolls to be at odds with one another. That was how things were. A lifetime of struggle, and subjugation at the hands of those in the classes above your own. It was better to relent, even when it was shameful.

Only the slightest bit reluctant, Equius resigned himself to figuring that he would probably be better off trying to make Feferi at home while she was here. She would appreciate it, at the very least, and maybe she would even be lenient on him and allow him to keep his hive, after all. Aurthour took the tray of nutrient pastes away from Equius as he got up, muttering that he would be in his respiteblock if Her Majesty was seeking him. He scaled the towers of his hive until he reached his block, then settled himself at his husktop, waiting for it to boot up.

He would need help, if he was going to act properly. His manners were still rough at best, especially when it came to dealing with royalty, and he would need some advice to help him get through this visit with dignity.

 

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] \--

CT: D --> Nepeta

 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] cannot receive offline messages --

 

Equius blinked, startled, then felt a little betrayed. She was always on when he needed her. For over a sweep, now, they’d been learning each other’s patterns and needs, and Nepeta was especially good about knowing when he was about to ask her something important. Upset, Equius glanced at the clock, then swallowed a bit of embarrassment. Of course. She was out for her twilight hunt. He never contacted her now. She wouldn’t have been expecting him, and that wasn’t her fault.

He sighed heavily and glanced at his trollslum, sweat beading along his hairline when he realized only one person was online that he might consider talking to about this. Though it was the very last person he wanted to contact.

He took ten minutes to consider before he realized he’d been left with no choice.

 

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

 

CT: D --> Highb100d  
CT: D --> Do you have a moment

 

Twenty more minutes passed without response.

 

CT: D --> You do realize that normally I w001dn’t think of contacting you for help  
CT: D --> However  
CT: D --> This is e%tremely important

 

When he finally answered, it was nowhere near the response that Equius had been hoping for, but quite near the one that he’d expected.

 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] returned from idle –-

 

TC: WoOaHhH, tHeRe, MoThErFuCkEr!  
TC: JuSt NeEd A sIcK mInUtE hErE tO pUt ThE fInIsHiNg ToUcHeS oN tHe MoSt KiCkIn’ Of AlL pIe-BaSeD mIrAcLeS  
TC: hOnK hOnK :o)  
CT: D --> Oh for goodness sake  
CT: D --> I thought you were idling by the sea again  
TC: nAh, BrO, nOt ToDaY  
TC: tHe OlD gOaT aIn’T dUe BaCk FoR a WhIlE yEt, PrEtTy MoThErFuCkInG sUrE  
TC: wHaT’s BoThErInG a ToUgH mOtHeRfUcKeR lIkE yOuRsElF, tRoLlSeF?  
CT: D --> I require your opinion  
CT: D --> Though it pains me to say it  
TC: aWwW, dAnG bRo! YoU’rE cAlLiNg On YoUr OlD dEsPiCaPaL gAmZeE tO hElP a BrOtHeR wOrK uP sOmE tHiNkMaGiC oN a ReAl PaNfUcKeR oF a PiCkLe?  
TC: I’m AlL uP aNd FlAtTeReD, bLuEsT oF aLl BrOs :o)  
CT: D --> Yes, well, I suppose that is good  
CT: D --> However, there are more dire matters at hand than your flattery  
CT: D --> I must ask  
CT: D --> Do you ever receive hiveguests  
CT: D --> Of a  
CT: D --> Damp disposition

 

A slight pause in conversation. Equius waited as patiently as he could on his side of the husktop.

 

TC: :o?  
TC: YoU mEaN lIkE a SaLtY sEaBiScUiT wAnTs To CoMe AnD pAl ArOuNd?  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Who  
TC: YoU tRyInG tO aLl Up AnD gEt YoUrSeLf InViTeD tO tHe FiNeSt SeAsIdE cHaTeAu To HaNg WiTh YoUr MiRtHfUl MaIn MoThErFuCkEr, My SaLtIeSt Of SwEaTsOaKeD bRoThErS?  
CT: D --> E%cuse me  
CT: D --> I most certainly am not  
CT: D --> It w001dn’t be proper  
CT: D --> And besides that  
CT: D --> Who told you about my perspiration problem  
TC: uHhHhHhH  
TC: wElL iF yOu Be AlL gEtTiNg YoUrSeLf InVoLvEd AlL iN tHe WiCkEdEsT oF sErIoUs TyPeS oF rOuGhHiViNg WiTh YoUr RoBo PaLs AlL dArK sEaSoN  
TC: yOu BoUnD tO bE gEtTiNg SwEaTy, EqBrO!  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> So you simply  
CT: D --> Assumed  
TC: I aIn’T sUrE i KnOw WhAt YoU aLl Up AnD mEaN, bLuE bUdDy  
TC: ArE wE sTiLl TaLkInG aBoUt YoU cOmInG tO vIsIt :o?  
CT: D --> We  
CT: D --> Never were  
TC: It’S aLl GoOd, My BrOtHeR  
TC: jUsT gIvE mE tHe HoTtEsT oF mInUtEs HeRe To CrAcK tHiS tIn-WrApPeD mIrAcLe OuTtA tHe OvEn  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> I must ask you

 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] changed their status to away --

 

CT: D --> Gosh darn it  
CT: D --> Highb100d  
CT: D --> Come back  
CT: D --> I demand it  
CT: D --> I mean

 

Equius sat at his husktop for a good ten minutes, flustered and trying to think of something to say. Eventually, another message appeared in his conversation with Gamzee.

 

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] went idle --

 

CT: D --> Shoot

 

He didn’t return for three hours, and by then, Equius was long gone.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Vriska Serket possessed the uncanny ability to always arrive for a visit completely unannounced, unwanted, and unwelcome. She let herself in through the underground passageway between her own hive and Equius’s, and she took pleasure in scaring the ever-loving excrement out of young Master Zahhak by suddenly rounding a corner to engage him in a quick _tete-a-tete_ of her own design, which involved them seeing who could subdue the other more quickly with either psychic powers or physical strength. Vriska always had a head-start and typically won because of it, simply because the game was one of her concoction, and one that only she initiated. She did this quite often, much to Equius’s displeasure and the extreme chagrin of his lusus. 

She’d come to pester her neighbor that particular evening and had braced herself to encounter a strange troll in Equius’s hive, having spotted him toting a limp specimen home the night before with all the stealth of a rampaging trunkbeast. It was pitiful, really: him trying to keep secrets from her. She saw everything. It was ridiculous that he didn’t know that, by now. Vriska made her way silently through the labyrinth of hallways, listening for footsteps and smirking to herself. What was more intriguing than his attempts at keeping things from her was the idea that he’d brought anyone over to his hive against their will.

Equius _was_ a creep, and by all means antisocial, but Vriska knew that Nepeta had been “working with him on that”. She herself was also offering up her own breed of help, though he seemed more reluctant to indulge her in her frequent visits. She knew it was helping him, though. And if he’d brought a girl home of his own accord? She was definitely helping him to take steps in the right direction. Although. Her being unconscious was undoubtedly a huge step in the _wrong_ direction that would take him right back to where he’d begun.

Males were far too stupid to do anything particularly useful, Vriska thought, glancing casually through walls as she slunk further through the hallways. Carrying unconscious girls home was something that merited punishment and mockery, no doubt. Vriska would deliver. Nepeta was always far too slow on the uptake with these sorts of things.

She was delighted when she finally saw the rather well-built figure of a small female troll making its way down a nearby hall, and she ducked behind a pillar to lie in wait for her, observing her through the bricks and mortar. She was of average height, with lengthy hair that had been plaited down her back, and she looked genuinely curious about everything she was passing, as if she was completely and utterly new to an environment like this, in more ways than one. Vriska cocked an eyebrow for a moment, then froze, then her face split wide in a grin. This girl! She had fins on her face! In the dark, Vriska couldn’t make out her exact blood color, but she was without a doubt a seadweller. Had Equius really gone all the way down to the seaside to knock a little mermaid unconscious and drag her home to play with?!

_Zahhak, you devil! I didn’t know you had it in you!_

Vriska snickered quietly into her hand, watching the strange girl nearly dancing down the hall. She wasn’t wearing a symbol, and it took Vriska another minute to realize why. She was wearing Equius’s clothes. And oh. _That_ was certainly worth teasing him about. He barely even tolerated being touched: how had he come to the conclusion that dressing this girl in his clothing was appropriate? He had quite a lot of explaining to do, that was for sure.

Bracing herself, Vriska waited until the seadweller turned another corner, then leapt forward to strike, one hand at her temple and the other extended toward her victim. Simply startled and confused at first by the psychic intrusion, the girl whirled around to face Vriska, eyes wide behind a pair of goggles that Vriska finally realized were a rather unmistakable shade of supreme royal purple. Rather than deterring her, though, that fact only made her face split wider with a toothy grin.

“It’s _you?_ _Really?_ Oh, man! I can’t believe my luck today! I’m just having all of it, aren’t I?”

Feferi said nothing. Her eyes had gone blank, and she simply looked at the cobalt-blooded intruder, waiting for instruction. Snickering under her breath, Vriska gently began to rock her hand back and forth in the air, making Feferi sway in front of her.

“This is _craaaaazy!_ Eridan’s going to flip his fucking lid when I give him the news. Equius Zahhak brought you home for _me_ to play with! I can just see the outraged look on his stupid face. Man! Can you?” She made Feferi nod, laughing again gleefully. It had been a few good perigees now since she’d felt truly passionate about ruining Eridan’s day, but this was an uncommonly excellent opportunity, and she would have been stupid not to take it. “What the hell are you doing on land, though, hmmm? It’s kind of weird to see you at all, isn’t it? Or is Eridan just as much of a wimpy wiggler as I think he is about not seeing you every second of his life?”

Feferi said nothing. Vriska wiggled her fingers a little, and the seadweller shrugged, then threw her hands up into the air. Vriska nodded, sneering.

“I know. Boys, huh? You can’t do shit with them. Especially not Eridan. I don’t know how you put up with him.”

Vriska was by no means listening for the sound of more approaching footsteps, and she heard nothing of a rather worried set of metal cleats making their way further into the dungeonlike basement of the hive as their owner sought out the missing princess. At that moment, Equius turned the corner to happen upon the two females, and he halted abruptly, stunned by the sight. Vriska turned to look at him, cackling, and Feferi collapsed to the floor in a heap, unconscious again.

“ _Sooo_ nice of you to join us, Master Zahhak!” Vriska’s voice was nowhere near as loud as Feferi’s, but it was demanding, and it was typical of a blueblood. She was incredibly confident in herself and didn’t care a lick about what anyone else thought of her, and especially not Equius, whom she knew would try to please her to prove that he was worthy of his own blood. She pushed a lock of uncombed hair behind her ear, thin eyebrows quirking on her narrow forehead, and her lips pursed beneath her fangs, her tongue touching the tip of one deviously.

Equius stared at her face for a moment, then down to Feferi, who was resting at a very odd angle. He moved to lift her, swift as he shuffled past his neighbor. Vriska pouted as she was ignored. “Hey! Knucklehead! I’m talking to you!”

“You should _not_ have come tonight, Vriska.” His words were precise and firm, and only a touch dangerous. Vriska was unimpressed. She rested one elbow in her palm and began to play with her hair idly.

“You always say that. _Aaaalways._ I just want to hang out with my closest friend! What’s so wrong with that?”

“I am not your closest friend, and you know that better than I do.” Equius lifted Feferi effortlessly, holding her in his arms rather than slinging her over his shoulder disrespectfully. He stood awkwardly before Vriska, struggling to put his hands somewhere appropriate against the seadweller’s body. “And aside from that, I am extremely busy entertaining my guest, so if you don’t mind—”

“What’s with her, anyway?” Vriska asked, ignoring him yet again. “It’s Peixes, right? Eridan’s moirail? I thought she was always underwater. He makes it seem like even _he_ almost never sees her. He’s such a bitch about it.”

“…Yes. This is Her Majesty, Miss Peixes.”

“So why is she shacking up with you?”

“She is doing no such thing,” Equius grunted, wishing that he had a free hand to wipe at his forehead with. Vriska pointed at her.

“She’s wearing _your_ clothes.”

“Her own are being cleaned. She will have them back as soon as Aurthour is—”

“Uh-huh. So what’s the story?” She was already getting bored with it. Equius’s face flushed slightly blue.

“…On my regular stroll down to the seaside, I happened to see her in danger just off the coast. As Makara was preoccupied, I took it upon myself to, ah, fish her from the sea and bring her to safety. I have yet to discover exactly what was wrong with her, and now it will take even longer, thanks to your thoughtless disregard for others.”

“Whaaaatever. Was she belly-up?”

“What?”

“I mean, how did you know she was in trouble?” Vriska asked. “Did you just assume?”

“She was floating motionless on top of the water. I thought that she was dead, at first.”

Vriska sighed, clearly completely bored with the conversation. She looked at her dirty, clawlike fingernails to distract herself. “So why did you bother to drag her up to your hive? Why not just leave her on my doorstep? Eridan would’ve gotten a real _kick_ out of _that._ ”

Equius bristled slightly at her suggestion. “You would kill the moirail of a seadweller?”

“He’s my kismesis, Zahhak. That’s the kind of shit that we _do_ to each other. Honestly, it’d probably make him a more interesting adversary if I did _._ ”

“Preposterous. Would you feed Nepeta to your lusus?”

“If you and I were on such black terms, _maaaaybe_.” She sneered a little, glancing up at him. Equius scowled.

“That is not amusing in any way.”

“You don’t think anything’s funny, you killjoy. So can I have her?”

“Absolutely not. She is the Empress-to-be, and—”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure she’s a real _treat._ Look, Equius, you just troll me a little when you get tired of this saltsucker, alright? I’ll take her off your hands, real cheap.” She waved her hand at him in dismissal, turning on her heel and sauntering back down the hallway into the darkness. “Believe me. You’re going to find out fast just how aggravating these aquatic assholes really are, and you’ll practically beg me to come back here and pick her up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You don’t know seadwellers like I do. I promise you. You’ll figure it out once you’ve spent some _quality time_ with her.”

Equius shifted his grip on Feferi, his shirt damp with sweat as Vriska disappeared into the black underbelly of his hive, chuckling to herself.

***

After making sure that Feferi was able to rest safely on the pillow-laden sofa again, there was business to attend to. Very important business with a very impurrtant purrson.

 

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] \--

 

CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Are you online now  
AC: :33 < *the majestic and mysterious ac has in fact returned from her pawsitively purrfect twilight hunt!*  
AC: :33 < *she licks her paws cutely and looks up at her sweaty blue meowrail most curiously, wondering what he could be so worked up about*  
AC: :33 < *whatever it is, ac is quite sure that it must be extremely impurrtant to the noble and high-strung stallion ct!*  
CT: D --> Nepeta I do not have time for games  
CT: D --> I refuse to indulge you  
AC: :33 < *ac insists!!!*  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> CT refuses  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> I refuse, abso100tely  
CT: D --> I require your assistance  
AC: :33 < come on equius!!!!!!! dont ruin it!!!! just fur a little while :((  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I have been waiting for you to return for several hours now  
CT: D --> And I am in a terrible predicament  
AC: :(( < well so am i!!!! you didnt even ask me about me  
AC: :(( < youre doing that thing again that we talked about  
CT: D --> What thing  
AC: :(( < the selfishness thing  
AC: :(( < where youre a total meanie who doesnt even want to play with his own meowrail!!!!!  
AC: :(( < it hurts my f33lings  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Please  
CT: D --> This is e%tremely important, and I do not have time  
AC: X(( < then ac also doesnt have time for her stinky meowrail!!!  
AC: :33 < oops  
AC: :33 < i mean, *ac yowls loudly and angrily at ct and maybe even scratches at his mean old face a little!!!!*  
AC: :33 < *beclaws hes being a mean jerk and he stinks like a litterbox!!!!*  
CT: D --> That is completely out of line  
CT: D --> I demand that you calm down  
AC: :33 < nefur!!!! unless you apawlogize!!!!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> You are being unreasonable  
AC: X33 < APAWLOGIZE!!!!!  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> I apologize  
AC: :33 < the right way!!!!  
CT: D --> Oh for goodness sake  
CT: D --> *I apologize to my moirail with deepest sincerity and regret that I have hurt her sensitive, greenb100ded feelings*  
CT: D --> *Or rather, CT does those things*  
CT: D --> *And then does something endearing that hoofbeasts do, like prancing around elegantly*  
CT: D --> *While, of horse, he is avoiding AC’s delicate tail*  
CT: D --> I mean, of course  
AC: X33 < h33h33  
AC: :33 < s33, equius! youre such a good rolepurrlayer  
AC: :33 < i wish you wouldnt be such a jerk about it  
CT: D --> I wish that you w001dn’t be so insistent about it  
CT: D --> So we appear to be at an impasse  
AC: :33 < *ac sighs and looks at her meowrail hopelessly*  
AC: :33 < *he will never, ever stop being so stubborn!!!! but ac will keep trying, beclaws she knows he has a sensitive heart!!!!!! just like everybody else!!!!!*  
AC: :33 < *theres no way ct is secretly a robot like some people say!!!! and that thats why he spends all of his time building himself robot furriends!!!*  
CT: D --> Don’t pull that attitude  
CT: D --> You know that I feel e%actly the same about you  
CT: D --> Also what are you going on about  
CT: D --> Who says those things  
AC: :33 < h33h33  
AC: :33 < nobody does, silly!!! its just part of the game  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I see  
AC: :33 < <>!!!!  
CT: D --> Don’t be so childish  
AC: :33 < <>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <> <> <>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> I honestly need your help  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> What was the problem that you said you were having  
CT: D --> You aren’t a%ually angry with me, are you  
AC: :33 < huh? oh!!! no, im fine  
AC: :33 < we can talk about your problem furst  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> I have  
CT: D --> A rather une%pected guest, staying with me  
AC: :OO < oh????  
AC: :OO < is it purrhaps  
AC: X33 < a lady of FLUSHED INTRIGUE????  
CT: D --> Hush  
CT: D --> Abso100tely not  
CT: D --> Don’t be ridic001ous  
AC: :OO < a gentleman?????? mr zahhak, id always thought you were especially fond of the ladies!!!!  
CT: D --> Why are we discussing this  
CT: D --> It has nothing to do with that  
CT: D --> She is not a romantic interest  
AC: :(( < aww  
AC: :33 < well who is she?  
CT: D --> The abdicated Empress-to-be  
AC: :33 < really????  
CT: D --> Nepeta, why w001d I lie about that  
AC: :33 < you wouldnt!!!! im just surprised that fefurry came to visit you, thats all!!!  
AC: :// < i didnt r33lly think you would get along with her all that much  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Do you know her  
AC: :33 < yes!!!! were puretty good furiends  
AC: :33 < she likes to talk to me about animals!!! she loves them a lot, just like me!!!  
AC: :33 < except she doesnt eat them, but thats okay!  
CT: D --> Did you withhold this information from me solely because you didn’t think I w001d get along with her  
AC: :33 < well, yes  
AC: :33 < and also beclaws you like to police my furiendships!!! and i dont like that very much :((  
CT: D --> Well it keeps you out of trouble  
CT: D --> You cannot deny that  
AC: X(( < thats not the point!!!  
CT: D --> Anyway  
CT: D --> What I need from you is for you to tell me how to treat her with the proper respect  
CT: D --> You know better than anyone how shaky I am with the upper castes  
AC: :33 < oh gosh, not this silliness again  
AC: :33 < just treat her like a furiend! she likes puretty much everyone  
AC: :33 < dont be a meanie and make sure you give her compliments and stuff like that!  
AC: :33 < puretty easy if you ask me  
AC: :33 < which you did!!! h33h33  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> How am I supposed to know when I’m saying something that she w001d find rude  
AC: :33 < hmmmmm  
AC: :33 < well if id tell you that you were making me pawsitively furrious, thats a clue!!!  
AC: :33 < just dont say any of that sort of stuff  
AC: :33 < so dont try to boss her around too much, okay?  
CT: D --> I suppose  
AC: :33 < how long is fefurry staying with you?  
CT: D --> I don’t know  
CT: D --> I haven’t e%actly  
CT: D --> Spoken to her, all that much  
AC: :?? < why not?  
CT: D --> Vriska was over, earlier  
CT: D --> And the two of them had a bit of a run-in  
CT: D --> So she is currently unconscious  
AC: X(( < ick! vwhiskers gives me the cr33ps  
AC: X(( < tell her to leave fefurry alone!  
CT: D --> I did  
AC: :33 < good!!!! shes even meaner than you are sometimes  
AC: :33 < dont tell kanaya i said this, but youre soooooooo much better than poopy old miss purrket!!!!!  
AC: :33 < the most purrfect meowrail efur <>  
CT: D --> Miss Leijon  
CT: D --> Please  
AC: :33 < ?????  
CT: D --> Don’t speak poorly of your superiors like that  
AC: X(( < !!!!!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> It’s simply rude  
AC: X(( < equius!!!!!!  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :(( < do you think im uncool???  
CT: D --> I beg your pardon  
CT: D --> Where did that come from  
AC: :(( < are you ashamed to be meowrails with me??? is that it?  
CT: D --> That’s preposterous  
AC: X(( < then stop saying that theyre better than me!!!!  
CT: D --> That isn’t what I’m saying  
CT: D --> They aren’t better than you  
CT: D --> They’re simply ranked higher than you in the social order  
CT: D --> That’s how things are  
CT: D --> That doesn’t mean that I care for them more than I care for you  
CT: D --> You are my ultimate priority  
CT: D --> And I w001d do anything for your sake  
CT: D --> Likewise, our society understands that about our relationship  
CT: D --> If you w001d pay attention when I try to teach you these things, perhaps you w001d understand it better  
AC: :(( < i guess so  
CT: D --> Have I upset you  
AC: :(( < a little  
CT: D --> Do you want to discuss it  
AC: :(( < not right now  
AC: :(( < maybe in a little while  
CT: D --> Okay  
AC: :(( < besides, you should go have fun with fefurry  
AC: :(( < maybe youll think her puns are cuter than mine  
AC: :(( < and then you wont have to deal with me being infurior!!!!!!  
CT: D --> What

 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] \--

 

CT: D --> Being cute has  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> Being cute has nothing to do with it

 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] has blocked centaursTesticle [CT] –-

 

Equius scowled deeply, running a hand through his hair. Nepeta was being utterly foolish. She would come around. She always did. She still had quite a bit of her wild spirit in her, and Equius was unwilling to break her of that. It was one of the things that he honestly admired about her, which was why he couldn’t get angry with her for being upset. She would be fine. He would just have to remember to ask her what was bothering her so deeply, and be certain to…what was it that she said? Listen. Better.

He’d been working on that a lot. It was hard. Very hard.

Grunting, Equius got up from his husktop, determined to right what had been wronged. He left his room and headed for the stairs, hands buried deep in his pockets as he made his way back toward the main level of his hive. Aurthour was waiting for him with Feferi in his front room, presumably fanning her as they waited for him to finish his conversation with Nepeta. Equius’s nerves nearly burned in his gut. He had next to no idea what to say to Feferi when she opened her eyes again. Nepeta’s suggestion had helped, for a moment, but now he had to deal with being preoccupied by her irritation with him. Maybe he should have said something different. Maybe he should have just returned her little quip about him being the best meowrail ever. Or not said anything at all, because all he’d done was prove her completely wrong on that front.

He paused in the stairwell and sat down, taking his sunglasses off and resting his eyes gingerly against his palms. He was a better person for having a moirail, he knew, but it was so difficult, sometimes. He still didn’t quite understand a lot of aspects of Nepeta’s personality, and he knew that that hurt her. It hurt both of them. He couldn’t stand that he harmed her so easily, though, when she’d never done anything to honestly offend him. Did seadwellers have these sorts of problems with their moirails, he wondered? Maybe they did. Maybe that was a good question to ask Feferi once she woke up from Vriska’s stupid psychically-triggered narcoleptic spell.

Equius sighed heavily, shaking his head and frowning to himself. He would definitely, without a doubt, apologize properly to Nepeta and work through this problem with her later. For now, all that he could really do was brace himself to present a series of profuse apologies to Her Majesty when she finally woke up. Whenever that would be.

Darn Vriska.


	3. Chapter 3

He had no real way with words. This was not news to him, even though he loved writing poetry as much as he did: he knew his work was no good, which was ninety-nine percent of the reason why he kept it private. The other one percent of the reason was because he had no one to share it with who would even _pretend_ to think that it was good, or even anything approaching bearable. He had come so close to asking Nepeta’s opinion on his work one time, but at the mere mention of slam poetry, she’d lost it. It hadn’t been pretty. Granted, that had been nearly a sweep ago, during the meager and awkward fumblings of the beginning of their moirallegiance, and though it was time that he looked upon fondly because it was time spent with her, he was also nothing but embarrassed of the troll he’d been before they’d been able to work on each other a bit and shape up.

Of course, Equius was still an awkward, horrifying, and confusing adolescent troll who couldn’t hold a normal conversation with someone else his own age to save his life: that is, without completely pissing them off. So, naturally, he was terrified of what would happen when Feferi Peixes woke up for the second time. He assumed she would be angry. Why wouldn’t she be? Maybe, in that case, it would be better to say nothing at all. He sat anxiously on the chaise lounge yet again and stared at her as she slept, grimacing every time she so much as twitched.

He could have gotten rid of her, if he’d only said yes. It would have been so easy. And the Condescension would have seen him as a hero, for doing her job for her.

But it was wrong. This girl was destined to fight Her Imperious Condescension when the proper time came, in order to determine the fate of Alternians on the whole. The entire planet could be at this girl’s whim, and it wasn’t right to take that opportunity away from she who had been blessed with it. And besides, here she was, waking up again and looking at him in utter bewilderment, like she expected him to have all of the answers to the questions she was surely about to ask him all at once. Equius flinched.

“…Allow me to apologize for the crass behavior of my neighbor. I know for a fact that she was seeking me out, and she instead encountered you.”

Feferi blinked slowly, her full lips pulling into a frown. She reached back to begin unbraiding her hair restlessly. “…It’s okay. I guess I shouldn’t have taken so long to look around your hive, huh?”

He shifted. “You were…taking quite a while.”

“You have a lot of interesting stuff, here! There’s just so much to see! Not like my hive at all. Well, I mean, maybe in a different wave? I keep a lot of sea creatures with me, so they’re pretty much in every room. Not here, though! I’ve never seen a hive so…empty!” At least she was beginning to smile as she spoke. Maybe she wasn’t actually completely unimpressed with his dwelling. But then, that was also a terrible notion. Was she glad that it was empty because she wanted to put her things here? “Don’t you get lonely without fronds around?”

“I have plenty of fronds. Friends. I meant friends.”

She giggled, nowhere near noticing his distraction. Her hair was curling around her back now, in long, dark waves. She ran her fingers through it. “Your neighbor. Is that Vriska Serket?”

Equius blinked. Well, maybe it _would_ make sense for her to know who Vriska was. After all, Eridan probably couldn’t keep his mouth shut about her to Feferi, since apparently he couldn’t shut up about Feferi to Vriska. Equius nodded, folding his hands in his lap. “Yes. She’s a bit of a troublemaker. I apologize for her actions.”

“Don’t get your seaweed in a bunch about it! I’ve heard all about her. My moirail talks to me about the games he plays with her all the time. It’d be silly for me to get upset about one little mistake!” She flashed her sharp teeth at him, glancing around the room before she settled down on the sofa, her legs draping off of the side. “…I would like to know when I can expect to have my own clothes back, though!”

“Oh. Ah. Aurthour is cleaning them, he will bring them back to you as soon as they have been washed and pressed.”

Feferi looked at him, puzzled, then cocked an eyebrow. “Pressed?”

“Yes, you know. Ironed. So that they are not wrinkled.”

“…I live in the ocean.”

“Yes.”

She stared at him for a while, and it took him several seconds to understand what she was saying. When he finally did, his face burned in embarrassment, and he looked away quickly, trying to find anything to look at but her.

“…M-my apologies. I am not used to dealing with seadwellers. It…seemed to make sense, at the time. Aurthour generally knows what he is doing.”

Feferi giggled, then shrugged. “It’s okay! I appreciate your kelp, anyray. It was thoughtful of you.”

Equius mumbled something about doing what he could for the empire that Feferi couldn’t quite hear, then cleared his throat. At least she seemed to be taking an interest in their conversation, he thought, unlike a certain someone else who always left the moment she’d grown bored.

“Ah. I heard that you are acquainted with Nepeta Leijon, is that correct?”

Feferi’s face lit up. “Oh! Yeah, we’re really good fronds. We met on this silly little forum a while ago that, um…Tavros was running! Tavros Nitram, and Nepeta, and me. The three of us glub about animals all the time!”

“I also heard that you have…quite an arsenal of puns up your sleeves. Or, your lack of them.”

She giggled, nodding. Her fins twitched gently. “You betta I do! Nepeta and I talk about them all the time! She’s really good at her catfish puns.”

Equius fought the urge to flinch. Had Nepeta never once mentioned him to Feferi? Even in passing? “…I know. She is my moirail.”

From the look on Feferi’s face, apparently she hadn’t. The seadweller looked a bit confused, and Equius felt himself flush in shame. It wasn’t normal for Nepeta not to talk about her moirail. That was just something that trolls with their pale quadrants filled _did._ Equius certainly talked about Nepeta often enough, and Feferi herself had already mentioned that she was palely bound. It was better to make trolls aware of your conciliatory status when meeting them to prevent pale leanings toward incompatible partners. Or at least, Equius thought so. He rubbed at the back of his neck in discomfort. “Perhaps that’s. Ah. Irrelevant.”

“Oh, no. Are you upset that she didn’t tell me aboat you?” Equius said nothing in response. Feferi’s face tensed with a touch of concern. “It’s fin! I mean it’s fine! How long have you two been together?”

“…A sweep.”

Clearly she’d thought that they were newer palemates, which would have explained away some awkwardness with the quadrant, but there was no excuse for it in their case. Feferi didn’t miss a beat, though, taking the opportunity to change the subject rather than to mock him. “Oh! Do you mind telling me how you two met?” She was clever. Very clever. “I’ll tell you about my moirail, too! Though I’m shore you probably know all about him if you’re so close with Vriska.”

“Not really, no. I’m not exactly familiar with him aside from Vriska’s own rather STRONG opinions on him.”

“Well…then tell me about Nepeta! And then I’ll tell you about me and Eridan.” She seemed so genuinely interested in their romance. It made Equius a bit nervous. He cleared his throat and nodded a little, even though he was reluctant to share this particular story with her. It didn’t strike him as being exactly her business, but as he’d established before, anything that belonged to him was also hers, and likewise, anything that she wanted to hear from him, she had a right to hear.

He had never really explained the story to anyone else, before. Vriska hadn’t cared all that much about where or when he and Nepeta had begun: all she cared about was teasing him about his temper and about how much more sociable he had become thanks to her influence (it wasn’t very much at all, really, or at least not yet). And who else did Equius talk to on a regular basis? Gamzee might have been interested for a few minutes, until he got confused and wandered away from the computer to poison his blood with the swill that he loved to ingest so very, very much. It was something that meant a lot to Equius, and if he was going to tell the tale, then by gosh he was going to tell it all. Even though Feferi’s huge eyes were more than a little unsettling when they were focused on him so intently like that.

She listened to him explain how he’d caught Nepeta hunting hoofbeasts in the rainiest dark season of the previous sweep. How long it had taken him to learn her movements, and to track her down, and finally to capture her and bring her back to his hive. She was little more than a savage with a mediocre grasp on language, as far as he was concerned. He had taught her well, he explained, and the more he spoke on it, the easier the words seemed to flow from him. Nepeta had been such a good listener, and surprisingly willing to learn from him, though a few things absolutely appalled her. He avoided those things, and found himself oddly at ease in her company, while the companionship of all others prior had always made him feel more than a little sick to his digestive sac.

He had groomed her. Her blood aside, he had recognized her great potential from the very beginning. Never before had he encountered another troll who was so adept at tracking animals as she, and he had to admit to himself that perhaps, in some ways, she might have even exceeded his skills. After all, she hunted them. She knew how to be absolutely silent in a thicket, and how to stealthily approach an animal from the rear without it catching her scent and scurrying off in terror. She was a magnificent troll. And when she had finally agreed to let Aurthour free her from her wild mane of hair, and to clean her up and detail what was left of her… Equius’s voice softened, and in fewer and less intimate words, he recounted how he had watched Nepeta become someone new, before his eyes. She was transformed by Aurthour’s skilled hands, into a young lady: a troll debutante, with shoulders that were perhaps too masculine, but still wonderfully tight with muscle that Equius couldn’t help but admire in an entirely new way. He had begun to learn her body, that day, in a manner that felt so natural that a part of him realized instantaneously that he needed her just for that purpose: to bring _nature_ back into his soul.

It had felt so good to confess his feelings for her, perigees later, when she’d become much more comfortable using words rather than catlike yowls to communicate with him, and when he’d learned to control his temper a little in the face of her strikingly independent attitude. Running a hand over his face as he sat on the chaise lounge across from Feferi, Equius realized that he was blushing darkly, and he cleared his throat a little to try to calm himself down. She was watching him with starry eyes, mouth pulled into a small, unreadable line.

“…I, ah. Do stop me if I’m being a bit too long-winded,” he murmured, secretly hoping that she _would._ He wanted to run to his husktop and try to contact Nepeta again, this very moment, despite how boorish that would have been. How could he have been such a fool? His insides were sick with feelings about her that made him feel so heavy with guilt that it  nearly hurt, and he knew they wouldn’t go away until she had forgiven him completely. Feferi shook her head, her fins flicking against her face as she folded her arms against her knees and settled her chin against them.

“No! Not at all! It’s…just…”

Equius looked at her anxiously when she trailed off, waiting for her to finish that sentence. After a few seconds, she sighed heavily, pursing her lips.

“…Your experience is so much…different. From mine.”

He hesitated. “…I see. Is that, ah. Bad?”

“Not for you, I don’t think.”

“…But bad for you?”

She suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable. Her eyes shifted away from him again, her face flushing a dark magenta. “…Can we glub about somefin else for a whale, Equius?”

She’d said “ _Ah_ -quius” again. He grimaced, but nodded. “Of course. Whatever you wish.”

It took her a minute before she looked back up at him with purpose in her eyes. “I saw that you have a lot of robots here. Where did you get them?”

“I built them. Did you not see my workshop?” Maybe that was a stupid question.

“No!” Yes, it had been a stupid question. Now she would _want_ to see his workshop, and probably go through all of his important things, and fiddle with wires where she shouldn’t, and ruin a whole slew of very important projects.

“Ah. I can show you later.” And of course he would offer. It was only proper. He cursed quietly in his head at his perpetual need to destroy himself at every possible opportunity, dabbing at his face with the corner of a stray pillow. _Fudge._

She seemed so enthusiastic about it, though. Her face lit up again with a smile that reached all the way to her eyes. “That’d be fintastic! I was thinking aboat asking you where I could find someguppy who was good with mechanical stuff to help me with a problem I’ve been having with my lusus, but if it’s you, then that’s even betta!”

Equius tensed at the idea of a commission. And not just any commission, but one for the Heiress Apparent. He was too full of feelings to be so tense. His stomach began to ache, and he felt himself sweating more profusely. Where the heck was Aurthour when he was needed?! Equius looked at Feferi helplessly. “…What sort of problem?”

“Whale…I won’t go into too much detail, but sometimes she whispers to me, and as you can imagine, it’s really important stuff! So I like to be able to hear her whenever she says somefin. Lately, she’s been saying some weird-sounding things, though, and they’ve been having a really strange sort of effect on the fish near my hive.” She was stroking one fin delicately while she talked, and Equius’s eyes fixated on it. “A lot of the smaller fish are dying, and I think it’s because of her. But I think if I could understand what she’s saying, I could help her feel betta and maybe not need to say those things anymore!”

Equius frowned slightly, furrowing his eyebrows. “…What things is she saying?”

She shrugged. “Oh, you know. Normally she just says regular old lusus stuff.” She garbled a series of terrible-sounding, throaty noises that Equius quietly decided were the reason why seadwellers would always be at odds with land dwellers. They were horrifying. As was the face that she made while she was making them. She seemed totally unaffected by them, though, and Equius could only try his best not to look disturbed. “…That sort of thing. But lately, I can’t hear her right because I think she’s speaking on a totally different wavelength!”

“…So you would like me to construct an auditory receptor for you that can pick up sounds beyond your normal hearing capacity?”

“Do you think you could?!”

“Absolutely. I don’t think it would pose a challenge at all.”

Feferi’s face lit up with a broad grin, and Equius allowed the corner of his mouth to twitch at her in response. His gut was still aching, but she didn’t seem to be prepared to part with him anytime soon, so all he could do was tightly grip the cushion of the chaise and brace himself to get through it.

She told him about her menagerie under the sea, and when aquatic hoofbeasts were mentioned, Equius couldn’t contain his concern at the idea that they only had two hooves in the front and fish tails in place of their magnificent hind legs and hooves. Feferi tried to explain to him that they were perfectly content as they were, but Equius argued that no hoofbeast could be truly happy unless it could gallop. And galloping under the sea was not only a ridiculous idea, but a statistical impossibility.

The thought of drowning hoofbeasts then upset him so much that they had to change the subject yet again.

She was surprisingly good at keeping conversation going. Occasionally, he even forgot about the fact that his insides were twisted with worry over Nepeta, and he honestly found himself able to ride the edge of his anxiety about her mere presence quite comfortably, relatively speaking. With time, the sickness almost began to feel normal. Not good, but normal.

When prodded, he told her about his desire to become a skilled archer, despite the fact that one would think that his exceptional strength would predispose him to a career as a Ruffiannihilator. He loved being strong, but Ruffianihilation just wasn’t for him, he explained, and as he thought about the day that he would finally grip a bow firmly in his hands and draw an arrow for the first time, his fingers shook a little. She seemed a bit surprised, but not very. He had to admit that he was relieved about that.

“An Archeradicator, huh?” Feferi asked, swinging her legs over the arm of the sofa. Equius felt compelled to tell her that that wasn’t the proper way to use the sofa, but he held himself back, nearly cracking another tooth when he clenched his jaw to keep himself quiet. “That’s a pretty prestigious job. But Ruffiannihilators get a lot more of the glory in war.”

“Glory is not what matters to me,” Equius replied solemnly, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from her knees. “I seek no one’s approval but my own, and my empress’s.”

“Her Imperious Condescension doesn’t really approve of anything, you know. I’ve read all aboat her.”

“As have I.”

“So what are you even carping aboat?”

“Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear. I don’t exactly have a choice, regarding the position that I must take when I reach maturity. Being the noblest among the noble bluebloods, it is my duty to fall in line as an Archeradicator. Being a Ruffiannihilator, even with my fantastically overwhelming STRENGTH, would be an extremely poor situation for me. It would be not only too easy for me, but demeaning to those who share my specific hue of blood.”

Feferi stared at him for a moment, then frowned awkwardly. “What? You…can’t really believe that. I mean of course there are jobs that are traditionally taken by trolls with certain hues of blood, but…bluebloods and yellowbloods and brownbloods are always grouped together by color rather than segregated by hue. You’re not like jadebloods, who always have to tend to the next generation’s mother grub. You all have free reign of whatever jobs you want to take within your classes. Believe me! I know these things!”

Well of course she would. Equius looked at her in uncertainty, his eyes unfaltering but his face contorting in the discomfort that was beginning to grow unbearable with their disagreement. “…I prefer to believe that my destiny is predetermined. Aside from that, I enjoy the challenge of learning to control my unbelievable STRENGTH.”

She made a bit of a grossed out face at him before she lie down on her back, staring up at the ceiling again. Equius reached up with his pillow and dabbed sweat from his temples. Had he really just…disagreed with the heir to the Alternian throne? _Yes,_ he thought weakly, feeling more than a little lightheaded. _Yes, I did._

And it had been… _invigorating_.

***

The two of them talked for hours, and though she was clearly nowhere near tired, Equius felt himself fading as time dragged closer to dawn in spite of his concerns about Nepeta. He would never have exaggerated his exhaustion, so he was lucky that Feferi was more observant than he’d thought she was: she asked him if he wanted to head to his recuperacoon, and he agreed with a sigh of relief that it was time to sleep. She seemed reluctant to stop talking to him, which he didn’t pick up on until he was scaling the steps of the tower toward his respiteblock and she was already being led by Aurthour to the secondary block for esteemed hiveguests (where Nepeta typically stayed when she managed to convince Equius that she needed to visit for longer than a few hours). He brushed the realization off, not wanting to deal with what it might have meant at the moment.

Equius sat heavily at his husktop and stared at his trollslum, relieved to see that Nepeta’s handle, though grayed out to indicate that she was offline, was firmly back on his list where it belonged with no angry face icon beside it. She had unblocked him. Though it was little consolation, it was enough to allow him to trudge to his recuperacoon and slip inside to enjoy the soothing feeling of sopor against his skin without needing to feel even guiltier than he already did. She had cooled down. She would be ready and willing to accept his apology at dusk.

He curled up in the sopor and shut his sagging eyelids, glad to dream of nothing and for a short while, to forget what it was like to have feelings at all.

***

Of course, at dusk, another problem presented itself that Equius wasn’t anywhere near prepared for.

Equius had scarcely opened his eyes when he heard the sounds of trollian alerting him to a slew of new messages from an unregistered contact.

 

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] \--

 

CA: look here you sack a shit  
CA: im not interested in playin dumb wwigglers games wwith you  
CA: youre gonna do as i say and take her back to the sea wwhere she belongs  
CA: got it  
CT: D --> Who is this  
CA: are you seriously askin me this  
CA: are you that dumb  
CT: D --> Identify yourself at once  
CA: STOP MESSIN AROUND DUMBSHIT  
CA: its eridan FUCKIN ampora  
CA: and youvve got my moirail captive there and I WWONT HAVVE IT

 

Equius had, by no means, been expecting to begin his evening with this level of heated accosting. He had to admit that he was a bit bewildered by it, though it made sense, certainly. He was more knocked off balance by it than anything else. Couldn’t this have waited at least until midnight? It was only barely breaching dusk.

He pushed his sunglasses further up his nose to dull the glow from the husktop and typed irritatedly back.

 

CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> I appreciate your concern for her  
CT: D --> I understand the exhausting worries faced by a palemate  
CT: D --> However, the situation is out of my control  
CA: youre darn fuckin right it is you air suckin shithead  
CA: tell her im comin to retrievve her at the EARLIEST POSSIBLE A CONVVENIENCES  
CA: and im bringin my gun so youd better cooperate  
CT: D --> Mister Ampora  
CT: D --> I must STRONGly suggest  
CT: D --> That you calm down  
CT: D --> Her Majesty Miss Pei%es will return to her home shortly  
CT: D --> She simply  
CT: D --> Has me working on a project, at the moment  
CT: D --> And due to the fact that we will presumably only see each other on e%tremely rare occasions in the future  
CT: D --> She w001d prefer it if I c001d finish it now, before she leaves

 

Eridan paused. Equius took the time to rest his forehead in his palm, sighing in irritation. Vriska was right to hate this one. He was utterly unbearable and it hadn’t even been five minutes, yet.

 

CA: wwait really  
CA: wwhat kind a project  
CT: D --> I’m afraid that she has asked me to keep it top secret  
CT: D --> None shall be allowed to know of it e%cept for myself and Her Majesty  
CT: D --> If you are troubled by this, you are more than welcome to take the issue up with her once she returns to the sea  
CA: wwhat  
CA: but i wwanna knoww wwhat it is that youre doin wwith her right noww  
CA: so i can maybe make a judgment about wwhen she might be comin back  
CA: i cant keep feedin her lusus for her forevver you knoww  
CA: its really hard to drag that net back an forth an shit  
CA: plus glbgolyb really seems to fuckin hate me but i dunno wwhy  
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> I don’t have time to listen to your problems  
CT: D --> I have my own to deal with  
CT: D --> Namely, your moirail  
CA: fef isnt a problem  
CA: fef isnt ANYBODYS problem  
CA: take that back you fuckin asshole and do it right the fuck NOWW  
CT: D --> I, ah  
CT: D --> I have been advised to cease communicating with you  
CT: D --> Farewell, Mr. Ampora  
CT: D --> Miss Pei%es sends her regards  
CA: wwait  
CA: put fef on

 

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

 

CA: WWAIT YOU SHITSTAIN IM STILL GLUBBIN AT YOU

 

She hadn’t actually said anything, of course. She was still on the exact opposite end of the hive. But the last thing that Equius wanted to do was to stay engaged in conversation with Eridan Ampora for any longer than was necessary. He was already starting to sweat. He wasn’t prepared for this sort of drama so early in the evening, and if he told himself that he wasn’t obligated to listen to Eridan yell and scream, well, maybe it would be true. In a way, it was. Maybe only a little, though. Equius edged away from his husktop, yawning loudly, and ran his fingers carefully through his stiffening, sopor-soaked hair. He needed a bath. Then he needed to try to talk to Nepeta. Then he needed to get to work on that auditory booster. Whatever would get Feferi out of his hive quicker.

He was starting to feel ill about the idea of her being near him again, thanks to Eridan, and it was taking all of his ridiculous strength to keep himself from asking Vriska to just take her off of his hands and be done with it once and for all.


	4. Chapter 4

Nepeta was online, but didn’t respond to any of the messages that he sent her. He sat there for nearly ten minutes, messaging her every minute, trying to get her attention as Aurthour toweled his hair dry and combed it out for him, watching him fret with patient concern for his charge. She must have slipped away for a moment, Equius told himself: the only excuse he could think of. It upset him, but he buried it. She would respond when she could, and it would work itself out in the end. It always did.

When he finally gave up on the situation and went to collect Feferi from the guestblock, Equius was relieved to notice that the seadweller was wearing her own clothes again. She was still amused by the fact that they’d been pressed: he could tell even though she didn’t say a word about it out loud, and he coughed and mumbled under his breath about it. Her eyes flashed as she touched the smooth planes of her tricolored skirt, and he wrung his hands nervously, gesturing for her to come out of her block. She looked at him in slight confusion.

“I was going to stay in here tonight so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable aboat me being here. You were going to work on the earpiece, anyray, weren’t you? I don’t want to get in your way!” She sounded sincere, but he felt that he’d caught the slightest hint of uncertainty in her tone. It was obvious even to him: she didn’t actually want to stay cooped up in his guestblock all night. She wanted to see his workshop. And he’d promised that he would show her, the night before, after all…he was obligated, now, even though the thought of it still sickened him. A deeper part of him was still so sure that she was here to steal his hive and transform it into a second home for herself. There was just no trusting seadwellers. Even the heiress to the empire.

In spite of himself, he shook his head, stepping further out of the doorway to grant her access to the hallway. “Nonsense. My hive is yours, Your Majesty. I see no harm in you, ah…tagging along and observing my work.” He didn’t even let Nepeta watch him work. He dampened.

“Please, it’s Fef _eri!_ ” she laughed, her face brightening as she left the room. She was eager to see what he had to show her, and he was eager to get through this night and possibly the next without going completely mad. He had far too much on his mind to be dealing with this sort of tomfoolery right now, and though it felt almost blasphemous to think it, the problems faced by the pseudo-royals seemed so dull and mundane in comparison to his blueblooded turmoil. Relationship problems with moirails were the worst thing on Alternia. Equius had never fretted so much about any other person in the world: not even Vriska. At least Vriska could take care of herself, for the most part, without Equius’s interference. Nepeta was a _responsibility._ His catlike burden to bear, and to appease.

Feferi kept her distance from him as they walked, thankfully void of questions tonight, or at least merely silent for the moment. She seemed to be trying to act interested in the heavy bricks that made up the walls as they headed for the lower levels of his hive: undoubtedly she had already peeked at the paintings he had yet to hang up, dozens of them facing lazily toward and leaning against the bricks. They were all priceless. Nepeta had begged him to turn them around when she came over, and it had just been too much of a hassle to flip them every time she left. Eventually he would get them up, though, and she would simply have to deal with his exquisite taste in fine art. Feferi appeared to be of the same opinion as Nepeta, despite her sophisticated upbringing. Maybe she just had nothing to say about them. Or…maybe she thought they weren’t as masterful as he knew they were.

His ears went navy as she continued to trace the lines of mortar in the walls. He couldn’t stand the thought that she was secretly laughing at him.

He gripped the handle of the heavy door that barricaded his workshop off from the rest of the hive: the door was built specifically so that only someone of his caliber of physical strength would be able to open it and close it at their leisure, ensuring that snooping neighbors like Vriska Serket wouldn’t be able to access his valuables, even though she could see them with her tricky vision eightfold. Feferi gawked at the door as Equius lifted it, arms straining, and tucked it into the slot that was his arm’s length above them. She had her hand on her cheek when he looked back at her, and he ground his teeth for a moment at her expression, strangely embarrassed.

“…Is there, ah, a problem?”

“I know you said you were strong, but…I didn’t know you meant _that_ strong! Wow!” She was excited about it. Although she was pretty excited about everything that was going on in Equius’s hive, there was a note of something else in her voice, as well, and Equius heard it. She was genuinely impressed, and in nothing but a good way. He rubbed his blue neck as she stepped forward, examining the doorframe and peeking up at the slot that he’d tucked the heavy barricade into. “Why do you need such a big door, though? Isn’t Vriska the only person who really comes over here? I mean, besides Nepeta?”

Oh, god. Dealing a blow to his social status by accusing him of having no friends. Equius could have drowned in his own humiliation. He cleared his throat weakly. “Ah. It didn’t, uh, it wasn’t always. Like that.” She was touching the metal of the doorframe. Maybe figuring out that he’d built it himself. Maybe getting impressed, again. “…This used to be a small village.”

“This cliff face?” Feferi asked. Equius nodded.

“Yes. Ah, Vriska and I, and the other blueblooded wigglers who survived our trials in the brooding caverns, congregated here. The, ah, the cliff once protruded much more decisively into the canyon, and there were quite a few hives to speak of with bluebloods from previous broods. The elders, who were approximately four or five sweeps old upon my arrival, enjoyed making the wigglers fight for their right to live in this very esteemed location.”

“I didn’t realize land dwellers were so picky aboat where they lived!”

“Different land is suitable for different purposes, Your Majesty.”

“Hmm. I guess the sea is like that, too.” She looked at him when he paused, urging him to continue his story. He didn’t recognize it as that, at first. He wasn’t used to it, except from Nepeta, on very rare instances. He fumbled with words for another minute before he turned to step into the darkness of his workshop, flipping heavy, weighted switches that triggered light systems on the high ceiling. The fluorescent bulbs flickered, then burned unhappily, buzzing as their light showered over old charts and blueprints and sketches of ideas that never managed to come to fruition.

“…I arrived first. Vriska came a number of perigees later, with the penultimate brood of bluebloods. The older trolls thought little of us, at first, as was typical for the new grubs. They allowed us to explore the land for a bit, staking out locations that we liked for our hives, but when we were about to molt for the first time, we were grouped together, and our young lusii restrained.” Equius looked up at his papers, tacked to the  walls, some of them torn up or slashed out with heavy paint, and he frowned. “…We aren’t like seadwellers, in that, each of us has a very unique lusus. So few of you are born, as you know, that you are, more often than not, able to share your lusii with your previous generation. It is tradition for one of your blood color, especially, you are well aware. Even Ampora’s lusus presumably once belonged to a previous Quasiroyal, or it is undoubtedly the descendant of an ancient seadweller’s noble custodian.”

Feferi nodded, following his gaze up to his paperwork. A long bulb flickered again, then died. The sound echoed in the tall chamber.

“…Our lusii were too young to fight against the considerably larger lusii of the older trolls. We were flocked into a pen, and told to face a final trial: ourselves.” Equius wandered over to his work bench, frowning as he moved things around with his fingers, ordering them. “I was expected to succeed. Others recognized the STRENGTH of Aurthour, who required a great number of lusii to restrain him, and as was only logical, it was assumed that I was also a troll of considerable power. Vriska was not expected to survive. Her blood, though ranking her highly in terms of lower blueblood nobility, was scoffed at. Some upper nobles consider cobalt blood to be far too close to teal for their liking, and I recall most of the spectators placing bets against her.”

“But…you survived. Obviously! Both of you did!”

He nodded quietly. “…Of nearly four hundred young blueblooded grubs, we were among the ten percent that survived. No one was expecting Vriska to have powers, and they were shocked when she emerged so utterly victorious. We were allowed to stay among our fellows, and that was the day that I met her, properly. Her lusus and some others made a meal of those who had been, ah…unsuccessful, and she made it a point to examine me. I believe it was so she would remember me, later.”

“So…you lived, and you were able to build your hives here, but…well, obviously somefin went wrong, right?”

Equius pulled a box out from under one of his work tables, delicately sifting through it until he found a metal tin. He placed it on the table, then turned to a shrouded alcove, heading into it without hesitation and messing with something that Feferi couldn’t see. “Vriska built her hive beside mine. We were the most powerful of the grubs that had survived our final trial, so we were ignored, for the most part, until we finished molting entirely and became bipedal. Then, we were subject to typical wigglers’ games: the older trolls would break into our hives and steal our things, taunting us until we came to retrieve them. It got old, for me, and so I built this room for myself, even sweeps before I took up an interest in machinery, as a sort of STRONGhold, to keep my most valuable possessions out of the hands of mischievous thieves. Vriska, on the other hand, garnered herself a reputation for treating the trespassing as a game. When she would catch thieves, she would grip their minds with her powers, and have them walk to their deaths deep underground, where she kept her lusus. And, where she still does.”

“She plays games with Eridan to feed her lusus, right? After, um…after he and I feed mine.”

Equius hesitated in the corner, and two bright red lights flashed in the darkness. “…What do you feed yours?”

“Other lusii.”

“Oh. Yes, that would make sense.”

A small, horned robot emerged from the darkness, and Equius waved in front of its face, guiding it over to the metal box, which he opened. A spare lightbulb was inside. He pointed up at the ceiling, toward the dead bulb, and the robot gripped the spare, pulling a ladder out from under the table and heading up to do Equius’s bidding. “…We were approximately three sweeps old, I recall, when the two of us had grown especially bored of living among others. Vriska found it far too easy to keep her lusus appeased, and I simply hated the proximity to others who were so bothersome, yet believed themselves to be so utterly superior to one another in every way. Vriska understood…and still understands…how her caste and her gender place her in society. The others were fools, and we both knew that. So we plotted together, for the first time, to dismantle the village and live in solitude. Unfortunately, she was also plotting against me. But I discovered her treachery with ample time to save myself.”

“She was going to feed you to her lusus?” Feferi asked, a little startled. Equius nodded.

“That was her intention. I had built a machine to cause an earthquake that would destroy the cliff and send the rest of the bluebloods who lived here into the canyon for her lusus to devour. She had designated the fault line to be just past my hive, but I found that she planned to send me down with the rest of them. I reinforced the land below my hive with a system of steel-lined dungeons and stairwells to keep the earth from crumbling, and she was considerably annoyed when I didn’t die along with the rest of the bluebloods.” The robot replaced the light easily, then headed back down the ladder with the burnt-out bulb, its metal feet clanging on the rungs with each step. “And so, my mesa exists as it does, and her hive sits precariously on what is left of the original cliff. The grubs who try to re-colonize the hillside are immediately fed to Vriska’s lusus. She and I have had a considerably STRONG, antagonistic friendship for sweeps since then. We continue to respect each other and we both harbor a powerful desire to help each other, though she has an odd way of showing it, at times.”

Feferi was quiet for a moment before she sat down on the floor against the wall, gazing up at the ceiling again. “…You have so many cool stories aboat your friends, and how you met people. It kind of makes me sad that I don’t have anything cool to share.”

“Think nothing of it. ‘Cool’ stories, though often interesting, are not always a prize to boast about.”

“I don’t want to boast! I just want to have something exciting to say.” She sighed quietly. “Talking aboat swimming and collecting animals is only so fun for so long.”

“I find it interesting, considering how differently we live our lives. I believe you may only find my exploits entertaining because you aren’t used to the way that land dwellers, and especially bluebloods, operate,” Equius suggested, turning the robot off and carrying it back into the alcove. “In all honesty, the things that I do are rather gruesome and unbecoming. Some would even describe me as…dangerous.”

“Heehee.”

The giggle was not something he was expecting, and he looked at her, startled, to find that her face was pink. He fought against the urge to check to make sure that his clothes were all in order, and that nothing was caught in his hair that he wasn’t aware of. Equius felt that sense of shame swell in him again. How was she _doing_ that to him? One moment she was able to get him to tell her absolutely anything about himself, and even to feel secure, and the next she was degrading him with something as tiny as a laugh, or a mean-spirited smile. He wasn’t used to it, and it was upsetting. All too suddenly, he felt invaded. She was sitting in his workshop, looking at him. She’d seen his failed plans and papers from sweeps ago. He’d told her about his misadventures with Vriska when they were just wigglers. He’d even told her about meeting Nepeta. And here she was, looking in on his private life and judging him to hell and back: at least, as far as he understood it.

It was so disgraceful.

“…Stop. Stop that.”

She paused, then blinked. “Stop what?”

“That giggling. Stop that at once.”

It took her a moment. “…Are you telling me what to do?”

His face burned. Feferi’s eyebrows lowered. “…I am merely suggesting. It is making me very uncomfortable.”

“Why? I’m not doing it to piss you off!”

“…I would appreciate it if you would refrain from using lewd language in my hive, as well.”

She stood up, irritated. She definitely wasn’t used to someone talking to her like this. Equius leaned against the wall, starting to sweat. For the first time in his life, he wished he had installed some sort of ventilation system in this room, even if it would have compromised the security of it. Feferi huffed.

“I’ll say whatever I want! What’s your problem?! We were just glubbing at each other, and now you’re all…Mr. Fussyfins about everything! I just laughed, because you were being a sillygills! I thought that was going really well!”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about. What was going well?”

“Our _conchversation!!!_ ”

“Well, it was, until you started to…ah. To demean me, again.”

“What are you even carping aboat?! I was just answering you!!!”

“You laughed at the idea that I could be dangerous.”

She stopped, then gave him a very intense look, her lips pursing and her fins flaring in irritation. “…Well it’s pretty silly, don’t you think? I mean, you haven’t done anyfin anywhere close to dangerous since I met you, and you’ve been pretty mild-mannered at that! Until now, anyray! What’s even your deal?”

“I don’t have a deal. I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Well I don’t know what _you’re_ saying!”

He cleared his throat awkwardly. This was so much worse than he’d been expecting. “…Your tone has been nothing but sour since you arrived, here. Forgive me, Miss Peixes, but you are not Her Imperious Condescension, and I don’t believe that…well. You are within your rights to treat me as such, but considering the circumstances, I believe that I deserve a bit of slack, on your part.”

_Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god_

The adrenaline wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t. He was going to get himself killed. This had gone far beyond the brink of acceptable. He was drenched in sweat.

Feferi’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “I don’t appreciate that tuna voice, mister!!!”

He flinched, then looked back at her through his sunglasses, baring his teeth a little. “Then perhaps you…should stop speaking to me.”

“Perchhaps you should cut your crappie attitude! You’re being tidally _annoying!_ ” she hissed back, fins flicking against her face. Equius scowled in spite of himself, his pride awkwardly trying to fight against and allow itself to be pummeled by his inherent respect for her bright fuchsia cheeks.

“Your puns are atrocious. Stop that at once. Every word feels like you’re mocking me, and I won’t…I won’t stand for it.”

She went silent, staring at him. The anger drained from her face and was just as quickly replaced with outright confusion, her wide eyes trying to figure out what had happened to the respectful troll she’d been getting to know. Equius felt his face burning darker, and he took a step back when he realized what he’d said, holding a hand out in front of himself as if he needed to protect himself from this waiflike girl. She furrowed her eyebrows at him again, and he nearly fell to his knees. How _dare_ he speak to her like this. He was taking this too far.

“…What?” she asked, because nothing else really seemed appropriate. She was confused, he was terrified, and neither of them knew what to do about it. After a few agonizing moments, he cleared his throat again, and he knelt, his back against the wall.

“…I’m. Sorry. I apologize. I’m out of line.”

His voice was strained. Feferi’s face was bright pink, and Equius lowered his head when he realized it was out of embarrassment for _him._ The two of them stayed in silence for a bit longer, until Feferi coughed quietly, then fixed a firm gaze upon the blueblood.

“…Take it back, then.”

Equius cowered. “…Take what back, Majesty?”

“Say my puns are awesome. Say they’re…the cutest you’ve ever heard! And say they’re the best!”

“…Oh.”

A deep part of him hurt at the mere idea of saying that. Not because complimenting her would be so hard, but because of Nepeta. He could never tell her about this. She would get upset with him all over again. His guts ached at the mere thought of it, and he burned with shame as he mumbled a response to Feferi’s demand, loathing himself when she ordered him to repeat it because he’d been too quiet.

She told him she was going to go back to the guestblock until he learned some respect. When she saw him again, she wanted an update on his progress on her auditory booster, and she wanted it to be more than halfway done, or he’d be sorry that he was so disrespectful.

He didn’t have to guess what that meant. He couldn’t watch her leave.

***

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] –-

 

CT: D --> *CT humbly requests that the lovely Miss AC will respond to him, this time*  
CT: D --> *He has had a horrifyingly displeasing night and is in dire need of comfort from his most beloved moirail*  
CT: D --> I mean, meowrail  
CT: D --> I mean, *CT means that*  
AC: :33 < *ac purrks up and springs over to her meowrail, purring and mewing cutely!*  
AC: :33 < *she meows that she is sorry for throwing a hissyfit*  
AC: :33 < *she licks the top of cts sweaty head with all kinds of kitty affection!*  
AC: :33 < equius!!!! whats wrong??  
CT: D --> I don’t e%actly  
CT: D --> Want to go into detail  
CT: D --> But please be assured that your puns are the cutest  
CT: D --> And also, the best  
AC: :33 < aww!!! thank you!!!  
AC: :33 < but i really want to know what happened! please tell me :((  
AC: :33 < did something happen with fefurry??  
CT: D --> In a way, yes  
CT: D --> But it’s rather embarrassing  
AC: :33 < well  
AC: :33 < i wont tell anyone! you know that!  
CT: D --> Perhaps I

 

Another chat window popped up, and Equius stared at it blankly. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with this, right now, but he knew he would have to.

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] \--

 

AG: Equiuuuuuuuus.  
AG: Hey!  
AG: Zahhak!!!!!!!!  
AG: I saw you typing.  
CT: D --> What do you want  
CT: D --> I am e%tremely busy  
AG: How’d you like the fishy little fast8all I sent your way? :::;)  
CT: D --> If you are referring to Ampora  
CT: D --> Not at all  
CT: D --> How dare you  
CT: D --> Filthy %%er  
AG: What?  
CT: D --> Doublecrosser  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! Oh come on, Zahhak. Don’t 8e such a sore looooooooser!  
AG: It’s all a part of the game.  
CT: D --> What game  
CT: D --> I don’t want to be involved in your 100di% romantic tomf001ery with that irritating seadweller  
CT: D --> In fact, I don’t want to be involved in anything with any seadweller  
CT: D --> No matter how into%icatingly royal their b100d is  
AG: Careful. Try not to sweat, now!  
AG: Seadwellers just love the scent of the stinky sea!  
AG: You might never 8e a8le to get rid of your 8u88ly little friend, at this r8.  
CT: D --> Vriska  
CT: D --> Do you have advice for me, or are you simply bothering me to mock my situation  
AG: Well, it’s a 8it of 8oth, now that you mention it.  
AG: 8ut if she’s grinding your gears, why don’t you just tell her???????? You colossal tool.  
AG: It’s not that hard.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Step out of line with a royal  
CT: D --> Impossible  
CT: D --> Besides, I already had a mishap with that  
CT: D --> And I don’t plan on doing it again  
AG: Ooooooooh, Equius!  
AG: Want to........glu8 a8oat it? :::;)  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> As I said, it won’t happen again  
CT: D --> She c001d blacklist me for life  
AG: As if that’s a 8ad thing!  
CT: D --> Are you making some sort of double entendre there  
CT: D --> Because I don’t have time for this nonsense, Vriska

 

Nepeta’s window flashed.

 

AC: :(( < equius???  
CT: D --> I apologize  
CT: D --> Vriska is being  
CT: D --> Difficolt  
AC: :33 < h33h33  
AC: :33 < thats a cute one!!!! you should do puns more pawften!!!  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> I foally e%pect that this will only take a moment mare  
AC: :OO < oh!!! pawdorable!!!!!!!  
CT: D --> I am getting to the point  
CT: D --> And am making certain that she is aware that I am abso100tely done with these wiggler’s sheneighnigans  
AC: X33 < 33k!!! the cutest yet!!! <3  
AC: :33 < take your time!!!

 

He moved back to Vriska. Thankfully she hadn’t said anything more.

 

CT: D --> Ampora threatened to come and pick Her Majesty up himself, but he neglected to ask me where my hive is  
CT: D --> I demand that you tell him  
AG: Why don’t youuuuuuuu do it?  
AG: He seems to like you a lot.  
CT: D --> I detect the sour edge of your trademark sarcasm  
CT: D --> And I don’t like it one bit  
CT: D --> Nor do I like Ampora  
CT: D --> Or wish to speak to him again, ever  
AG: Jeez. What a 8ig wiggler. >::::(  
CT: D --> You will tell him where I live  
CT: D --> And he will come to pick up his moirail  
CT: D --> Before she destroys my hive  
CT: D --> Or horse  
CT: D --> Worse  
AG: Yeah, yeah. I’ll get to it.  
CT: D --> Vriska  
AG: After I feed the 8ig lady!!!!!!!!  
AG: And snag a 8eauty nap.  
AG: Not that I need it. :::;O

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] \--

 

Equius frowned deeply, running a hand through his hair and turning back to his conversation with Nepeta.

 

CT: D --> Nepeta  
AC: :33 < yes?  
CT: D --> I think that  
CT: D --> Perhaps you sh001d come to visit me  
CT: D --> Soon  
AC: :OO < when???  
CT: D --> Whenever you w001d like to  
AC: :33 < soo  
AC: :33 < tomorrow night????  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> If  
CT: D --> That wor% for you  
CT: D --> Then I suppose so, yes  
AC: X33 < 33k!!!  
AC: X33 < equius ive missed you furever and ive b33n hoping you would ask me to come see you fur perig33s!!!!  
AC: X33 < whole perig33s, equius!!!  
CT: D --> Well now you are invited  
CT: D --> I hoof officially e%tended an invitation to you for this season  
CT: D --> Please come  
AC: :33 < of course i will!  
AC: :33 < i mean  
AC: :33 < of horse!!! X33  
AC: :33 < do you want to have a f33lings jam about fefurry when I get there?  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
AC: :33 < well then i think that can be purranged!!!  
AC: :33 < thank you for inviting me!!! im gonna go pack now, okay?  
CT: D --> Okay  
AC: :33 < and dont worry about what happened! im sorry i was being a wiggler  
AC: :33 < s33ing you will make everything better!  
CT: D --> I hope so  
CT: D --> I will have Aurthour prepare for your arrival  
AC: :33 < <>!

 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] \--

 

CT: D --> <>  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> How embarrassing


End file.
